Well it's the end of the year in a few days and the social networks are alive with reflections of 2010 as well as people looking forward with renewed motivation to 2011. Don't worry, you won't see any "2011 is my year, next year watch me blow" kind of statements around here; '2000 and Grind' absolutely jarred my head back in '09. I think I'll just keep my head down and get on it with it. Nevertheless, as I look back into 2010, there are three words that come to mind, a phrase that was thrown out at every opportunity, the statement that was such a cliche, saying that it was a cliche actually became a cliche....yep you've guessed it: 'He/She's a hater'.
Now there are two sides of my fence here, the second side annoys me slightly more than the first. Let's start with the first (well obviously). My question is have we become a nation of haters? I've been asking myself this for a while. Yes the term has been around before 2010 but this year for whatever reason (ahem Twitter) it has entered my viewing space on more or less an every-day basis. The rise in the popularity social networks, which by their very nature invite people to comment, and programmes such as X Factor and Dancing with the Stars where we all become singing and dance experts, means that we are encouraged to state our opinion - good and bad. Now I'm all for that, having an opinion. Well I blog, if I didn't have an opinion then I wouldn't be here. But has it come to a point where the negative comments are outweighing the good?
Well taking a look at one days worth of my Twitter and FB news feeds, I would say otherwise; I see supportive comments, retweets of projects that others are working on, encouragement and praise etc. Obviously there are the odd jibes at Cheryl Cole or an up and coming Team UK rapper but perhaps its because I follow positive people, I'm not surrounded by too much negativity. This is a principle that I apply to my 'offline' life also, therefore the so-called excessive 'hateration' doesn't bother me so much. To me, it appears to be so easy to get rid of people that you deem negative: cut them off, block them, delete their number, you get the drift. However, for some reason the cries of 'Hi Hater' still seem to be on repeat on my airwaves.
Now this is what annoys me, the second side of my fence, the issue that led me to a midnight rant on FB which had me furiously typing away at my Blackberry, eyes wide open like a crazy woman - it was in no way the 'Carrie' image that I have of myself whenever I blog or write. I was being voyeuristic, catching up with what all of my 200 odd 'friends' had been up to that day and was astounded by the number of 'hater'-related status updates there were. Nowadays, it seems like everyone has got haters, from Diddy venting his frustration to his fans via UStream, to Abdul from the Lion's chicken shop down the road complaining about the chip shop around the corner stealing his customers. It has become endemic amongst our generation - if you are anybody then you HAVE to talk about about how many haters you have, how you're going to prove your haters wrong and how much they motivate you to 'grind harder'. Stop begging it. You don't have haters. Damn, all I said was that I didn't like your trainers and now I'm a hater of your life goals and achievements???!! Maybe it's because over the years the ideology of celebrity and fame has become more prominent in our society, whether it be red-carpet fame or fame-on-the-road. The media and shows like X-Factor have told us to believe in ourselves and not let anyone tell us we can't achieve our dreams, so much so that now it appears that we have inflated egos where criticism is dismissed because the person who said it, that blasted dream-killer, is obviously just an ugly person inside who is simply jealous and doesn't know what they're talking about. For example, I am a Beyonce fan but that doesn't mean I'm going to like everything she does. I made a comment about B on my blog a while back (you see, so close we're on first-initial basis), one negative word and the stans came at me like flying banshees. Now I love Beyonce, yes I complain about her being overexposed but throw on 'Baby Boy' and I can do the entire sand-dance routine blindfolded - backwards roll and everything! Does a negative comment make me a hater? In fact, at what point does someone become a hater? Is it five negative comments in a row, or if they make a positive comment now and again then that's ok? Who cares!!! I'm so over hearing this word! (Closes eyes, inhales and exhales for ten seconds).
Not everyone is going to like what you do; it's inevitable you will face negative comments one way or the other. Yes there may be some people out there who never say or do anything positive but why is that an issue to you, ask yourself that question. Do you rely too much on external validation perhaps? If naysayers do criticise you, decide whether it is constructive or not; if it isn't, then don't let it bother you. Personally, I don't let it affect me either way so for me to talk/tweet/FB/get annoyed or angry about 'haters' is expending energy in a wasteful manner when it could be more useful elsewhere.
What do you think, have we become a nation of haters or do people just have inflated egos which means they find it difficult to swallow criticism? Speak on it.
If you like this post, feel free to comment and share (new feature alert!) I appreciate your support. If you don't like it, comment anyway, I don't care -you're just a hater! ;)
There seems to be two types of men I have come across in NY - I hate to generalise but in the interest of time and my wish to avoid repetitive strain injury from typing so much I'm going to get out my boxes and throw you all into one or the other, ok guys? First type is the super-fast dude who doesn't beat around the bush, let's you know exactly what they want from you - and its not usually a nice 'respectable' date - and if you're not on the same page, after trying to entice you with a few camera phone pics (that's another post altogether, I think I'll let Miss X take care of that one), they usually get the message and move on. Then you have the nice guy, cool personality, open to taking you out for some frozen yogurt but one problem - he is super sloooooooooooooow: one word BBM conversations, constant text messaging that doesn't seem to be going anywhere, goes missing for a few days then reappears as keen as ever. I have come to the conclusion that these guys that feature so heavily in the stories I hear on a daily basis are not playing some twisted game of hard to get - they are just lazy! Put it down to the statistics (or the heavily publicised myth) that in the US women heavily outnumber the amount of available men and there you go: you have a sought after guy with so many options he can just sit back and chill while the women fight it out. Some might say that perhaps we need to go back and watch the film 'He's Just Not That Into You' but I think this might just explain why the women I see over here throw two fingers up to the rule book: if they see something they like, they go get it because it sure isn't going to chase them! Just today, I saw a guy get on the subway carriage, he was looking at a girl in a way that I assumed he was attracted to her but he didn't say one word, just stared. She was looking at him too, so she SUMMONED him over, started talking to him, laughing and joking (it was so sweet!) then SHE took his number while he walked off smiling like he just scored a touchdown. How times have changed and I'm not necessarily knocking it. Some of you are probably shouting at the computer screen saying 'well it's the 21st century, who says a woman can't do that, why are you so shocked, women can be powerful and in control, so what?' Others might be questioning this idea of power; if a man can now sit back while the woman makes all the moves, then in actuality who is the one in control? Either way, I've found it interesting seeing the differences in attitudes...not entirely sure that I'm up for this new game though, let's hope for beginners luck eh?
This interest of mine has been heightened by a book my sister Steph gave me to read on my travels (clap for yourself, you get a shout out-that doesn't happen very often on here). It's called 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and is by a young man called Joshua Harris. Now before you get your knickers in a twist and commence the bra burning, it isn't a female-empowerment-feminist-self-help kind of book but in it Harris describes how the traditional rules and rituals of dating can actually lead us down a path of unnecessary emotional turmoil and regret and instead proposes alternative methods. What actually stood out to me the most in the book is how Harris describes being single; not as a curse and a realm to leave as soon as possible but instead a moment in your life that you should be thankful for and utilise to the fullest. He has a point; singledom is a time where you have no attachments, no strings, no stresses diverting your attention from your other priorities in life whether that be your relationship with God, career goals and even your friendships with others. You can take the time to travel and see the world, develop important skills, focus on your business plan minus the distractions or concentrate on your growth as a person so that you are complete in yourself without feeling that someone else is going to complete you. Now it could be argued that you can still do all of this while still being in a relationship; what's the point of having all of these amazing experiences if you don't have anyone to share them with? But can you honestly say that you are paying all of the activities listed above their full attention without compromising a little? Compromising your standards just to be able to double date, compromising your career goals just because you can't bear to be away from your other half for too long, compromising your friendships and other personal relationships because you have limited time to share with them because your focus is all on one person. I'm not flipping the script here and promoting the idea that being single is now superior to being in a relationship -there are benefits of both - I'm just saying that being single isn't a situation that should be handled with rubber gloves and an anti-infection mask!
