For years, since time began, an older man dating a younger woman has been since as acceptable - ok underage cases and age gaps of 30 years plus excluded - but even today, seeing a 20 year old female hanging off the arm of a man that looks like her Dad, doesn't do much to *shock* anymore.
But what about when it's the other way round. Cradle snatcher, Mrs Robinson (if you don't know the classic film The Graduate, get to know, it stars Dustin Hoffman) and now a name to top all names 'The Cougar'.
A 'Cougar' in it's traditional sense, is a member of the puma family and is described as "a stalk-and-ambush type predator, one that is territorial". In the year 2009 cougars are more commonly known as Demi Moore, Halle Berry, Madonna and every other woman who is dating a younger man. My first gripe is the fact that these women are called 'predators' - so dramatic and negative - they didn't say that about R Kelly....they called him a paedophile though....ok we'll call it even. In the U.S, there is even a dating show hosted by Vivica A Fox (does ANYONE know what that 'A' stands for?) where about 20 guys have signed up to try and win the heart of a 40 year old divorcee with teenage sons. This so called 'craze' is changing what society considers 'normal' in regards to dating and relationships and soon enough, no one will even bat an eyelid, if not already. Well, I say good for you cougars. You can't help who you are attracted to, if that so happens to be Ashton Kutcher or Nick Cannon and they happen to like you right back, then why not?
It's obvious to see the attraction for the females; a young, virile, fit, chiseled face and body is more than difficult to resist. Not every guy ages like Will Smith people; too much pounded yam, fufu and supermalt can have that six pack looking like a keg in 5 years, 2 if you're really unlucky. However, what is the attraction for younger guys? In all those women magazines (which I don't read by the way, but always seem to find them in my bag for some odd reason) women often say that at 30 and 40, you know yourself more than you do in your 20's and that gives off a confidence that men are attracted to. So 30 really is the new 20 - women are more confident, set in their careers, making that money, living in a place they can call their own and more 'emotionally stable' than the younger version of themselves. OR is it because guys like someone to look after them, so that mothering image is something that they can't help but be drawn to?
Whatever the reason, while this news might be great for us youngins in about 10 years time, what about now? What about finding that boyfriend/hubby within the next couple of years. With this growing 'cougar' trend, we're not only competing with our peers but also with these confident 'superwomen' ready to show guys our a age a thing or two about being with a "real woman". Step up your game ladies, we've got competition!
Guys, could you take a cougar? What are your feelings about older women? Would you go there? What do older women have over us young ones?
Ladies, could YOU take a cougar? Standing stand by side, what would you have over her? Would you date a younger man?
And finally, to you cougars out there.....you got any tips?
L.Mayne & Stacey Dash aswell...didnt you know?
ReplyDeleteIm gonna give my input later but it might surround a mummy's boy complex..
I am a Cougar in my early 40s. I don't think I 'prey' but I do tend to prefer much younger guys...say 23-29. What I have to say is this...enjoy each stage of your life as they arrive. Not ALL young guys are into older women (trust me!) and I'd be surprised if it isn't a minority of younger men who are. Confidence doens't have an age limit only experience and wisdom does. Most of the complaints the young guys have about younger girls are:
ReplyDelete-They play head games
-They are insecure
-They have no idea what they want
-They are not independent
So, work on those and trust me, the Cougars that you deem your competition will fall wayside!
Enjoy those 20s and 30s!!!
MWAH!
The Cougar
http://thecougar.wordpress.com
Broadband....a mummy boy complex...kind of disturbing but I'll let you explain later.
ReplyDeleteSo so happy "The Cougar" commented. I'm more intrigued. Why the preference for younger guys, I know people say you can't help who you are attracted to but you "prefer" the younger ones, what are your reasons?
It may be a minority of men that would actually date an older women but from my own personal discussions with male friends (yes you Broadband), an older woman is a great fantasy for them, whether they would actually go through with it is another question.
I totally agree with you on the reasons that some guys find younger girls annoying, I can definitely plead guilty to some of those bullet points! "Confidence has no age limits", I think that's a great message, so ladies take note.
Guys who are attracted to older women, what is the attraction for you, do you agree with The Cougar?
WOW....wt a good blog Shants well done... But then what is it about younger guys, cos i cudnt think of anything less appealing, so it would be interesting to know the appeal! But really i dont think a lot of men could handle an older women. Typically males mature slower than females and are they really sure they could handle a woman who was more ... Read moresuccessful than them financially etc, as I get the feeling a lot of men may feel intimidated by this in the long run, once the novelty of an older woman subsides, but hey good article nonetheless XxX
ReplyDeleteShanti, I LOVE THE GRADUATE - the book and the film! Anyway, there's something quite disturbing about women going out with much younger guys and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteA girlfriend of mine is dating a much older guy, it wouldn't be so bad if he didn't look so old but reality is, he does so when I met him for the first time, I was definately taken aback. He looked like blimming Uncle John! What my friend said she liked about him is that he inspires her, he's mature, he's got all the ambition and he's actually living it, he's got his own business AND more importantly perhaps he's done the playing the field and is now ready to settle! I guess this is a far cry from some [not all] younger guys who are playing the promotion game, making t-shirts, making tunes in the studio etc [no offence intended to anyone doing this, my point is that many guys seem to be jumping on these "money-makers" but will they really provide for the family in years to come? Hmm maybe not!]
Myself, I do not find younger guys attractive AT ALL!!!! They are way too immature and young. They couldn't even begin to give me the things that I would want = stability, commitment, someone to provide, protect etc all that old fashioned stuff. [DISCLAIMER: I am in a relationship so I'm saying this if I was single!] They have no life experience and are too interested in having fun, linking chicks, making quick money etc - [BTW yes I know this is not all younger guys] There is nothing wrong with them doing this, at the end of the day, they are young, boys will be boys... but I wouldn't want to be dating a "boy". PLUS it disturbs me a little, it would make me feel like I was going out with my friend's younger brother .... ewww!!!
I can see the attraction for guys to older women. It's a hidden fantasy. For an older woman to come along and "show them / teach them the ways". It's an accomplishment to see whether that older woman, that married lady will go for them... it's a challenge! But I don't know whether a young guy could compete with an older guy.. ok might be younger/better looking but if he's got no substance what's the point? There are many immature young females, paranoid and who like to bring drama [I'm not ashamed to say that yes at times I acted like a real crazy woman lol and yes I will put that down to being young] which will obviously taint their view of younger women, leading them to find more mature females... ok 20 years older is pretty extreme but a male friend of mine loves his older women because he says they have their head screwed on!! It's probably older women's life experience that make them less dramafied. They probably know all the secrets about how to wrap men around their fingers and keep them there and we're still trying to figure out! LOL (well not me but women in general lol)
Could I take a couger on? Let's see... I'm 23, got a great job in a great company, got my own money, got my own car, got a stable head on my shoulders and I'm so independent is scary lol. If these are the sole reasons why guys go for cougars I don't see why I could not take a cougar on!!! But I mean if it's Halle Berry / Demi Moore I'm up against.. I got no chance LOL!
To end, love who you wanna love! If you're a cougar and you love your young guys it's all good, if you're a young lady and you like your older guys that's all good too!!! Even if I do double take when I realise you are boyfriend and girlfriend and not mother/son or father/daughter or I feel a little freaked out by it, it's not me or anyone else in your relationship so who cares!
Mets x
Randomly came across this article from Perez Hilton's twitter status updates that will be of interest to you! "Why Cougars Crave 'Idol' Runner Up Adam Lambert.It's pretty interesting http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/popvox/archive/2009/06/10/why-cougars-crave-idol-runner-up-adam-lambert.aspx
ReplyDeleteMets X
www.mets-thrifty.blogspot.com
Interesting and timely. There was a story in the Sun recently. A woman left 6 kids to be with an 18 year old. Now i don't know the exact specifics but it was really interesting.
ReplyDeleteI am a 24 year old man and I know women like someone to mother. Some might say that an 18-30 year old is like a big kid. I disagree, though - but i would, wouldn't I.
For me i think it is a mix of two things.
Firstly a power game - after all, the wisdom and confidence that age brings gives older women (and men) alot of power in a relationship. Alot of people relate power to self worth so who aint gonna love it.
Secondly I think it essentially has alot to do with feeling young in mind and body. When im in clubs and i see older women - i tend to think act your age. But i guess they want to be and feel comfortable around young people. Makes them feel stable and what not.
I guess it is unfair that we put things and people in boxes. I'm sure someone has said age is the last acceptable discrimination. I think that's wrong and equally as bad as other acts of discrimination but hey... what do i know?
Could i handle a cougar - probably, because i can and have found confidence, maturity and independence in someone young. I'm doubly blessed cos she has a body to boot.
Hey, what have I told you about promoting on my blog!!! Only playing, everyone check out Mets Thrifty for offers, deals and discounts that will help you maintain a fun, sexy lifestyle whilst on a budget courtesy of the recession...or just on a budget because you tiiiiigggghhhhht with that money in your pocket -I know I am. Still angry I missed out on those half price Wireless tickets! Should have gone to Mets Thrifty! http://mets-thrifty.blogspot.com/
ReplyDelete(Look at those PR skills, aint they just first class? You can pay me later x)
Anywhoo, back to the matter at hand. I wonder what the appeal is for an older women - is it the whole 'recapturing youth' thing or is it a power trip, knowing that the younger guy is going to hang off their every word. I mean, Ashton Kutcher, the guy with the silliest, most childish humour. But maybe with Demi it was more of a personality match rather than an age thing - maybe two people just find that connection and they just so happen to have been born years apart. Alright, I won't go all 'hippy love' on you but like Mets said, each to their their own. And also, like JMPOV said about his girlfriend (which also echoes what The Cougar said) confidence and maturity is not an age thing, you can find it in young girls too. The same way an older woman can play mind games and be immature. It's not fair to have generalisation - long lasting relationships that the likes of Halle and Demi have must be down to more than the power the woman displays or how handsome the younger guy it - long lasting relationships are down to compatability, so good luck finding your match.