Hey
This post is inspired by stories I have read recently about high profile men in the entertainment industry and the role their wives play. Tameka 'Tiny' Cottle, former singer of girl group Xscape, now more commonly known as rapper TI's wife/fiance/girlfriend/mother of his children, has allegedly been trying to restart her career for quite a while now. Now that she has her own reality show with Li'l Wayne's ex-wife (please, I don't have the energy to go there!), it looks like she is finally starting to make her own moves. However, she is often reported to say that TI is not completely happy with her ambitions to pursue a career of her own and would much rather she stay a housewife to maintain the home and look after their children. Second story - Tyrese Gibson, Coco Cola bus singer and actor is currently in the process of divorcing his wife. He met her while she was studying in London (yes ladies, we all had a chance!) and then she moved over to the states with him to set up home. Now he's divorcing her, to avoid paying her thousands in alimony, he is allegedly saying that there is no reason why she cannot get a job and pay her own way, despite the fact that he was more than happy for her to be the little stay at home wifey during their five year marriage.
My question here is why do some men meet a successful ambitious female, make her his wife and then resign her to a life of picking out china to match the wallpaper in the kitchen? Can a powerful man be happily married to a powerful women, one that has her own ambitions or must she spend the whole of their married life standing behind that powerful man, holding him up.
Guys, she was ambitious and successful when you met her, it was one of the reasons that you fell in love with her, but as soon as you put that ring on her finger you feel that the best place for her is in the home. Is this fear? Intimidation? Is it a hit to the man's pride that the women has her own and doesn't necessarily NEED them. Neyo sings of Miss Independent, but is that what men really want from a wife? By keeping her in the home, giving her an allowance every month and supplying her with new edition Louis Vuitton handbags, the woman builds up a level of dependency on her fella. It gives him the allowance to do as he pleases, playing on the fear that if she was to leave, she'd leave with nothing (well maybe half).
Or is it less premeditated and manipulative than this and simply down to values that have been instilled in some men over time? Although we have progressed quite a bit from the 1950's, traditional values of the man being the breadwinner and the woman maintaining house and home are still present. Some guys have grown up with that dynamic in their own homes and naturally want it for them and their children too. But can this still work in a time where women are now more career focused than ever?
Out of interest... Guys: would you be more attracted to a career focused woman or one with traditional values of staying home and raising the family? Be honest, do you feel intimidated by powerful, successful women? How would you feel if your wife's career was steps ahead of your own?
Ladies: as females, should we make husband and children a priority over our own career and personal ambitions? Alternatively, would you mind being the breadwinner of the family while the other half takes the role of stay-at-home-dad?
Can two powerful people remain happily married or is it natural for competition and intimidation to take hold?
Let me know your thoughts...
Very interesting blog. Yes I do think it is possible for two powerful people to remain happily married, Barack and Michelle are a pure example of this. However, the man has to be confident in himself and his powers for it to work. I am not a stay at home anything so any guy who is interested will have to accept that.
ReplyDeleteI would like to believe that it was possible for two powerful people to remain happily married without it becoming a competition... but the male ego is so strong that it would most likely become an issues. How this 'issue' manifests is depend on the dynamics of that particular relationship. I personally find ambition highly attractive but I don't respond well to the other half trying to take my role as the breadwinner. I am the provider, she can contribute, but I am the head of the fam, fam. lol
ReplyDeletelol @ Lewiboro!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments, it all depends on the man in the situation and his response to an ambitious woman. I dont agree with the stay at home malarkacy, but I do believe that there is a reason why men are men and women are women,, there are some things we are better at and vice versa.
Men, especially powerful men are very aware of the heirarchy. They are conscious of whether they are "above or below" anyone they are in relationship with. Thus,they always have to determine who is going to be above the other. They are acting from an abundance of masculine energy making it almost impossible for them to have equal relationships.Because of this they demand that their wives are clearly below them. And the women sacrifice, accepting this to preserve the marriage. The Obamas' relationship of equality works as the President exhibits a lot of feminine energy and can accept someone on the same level as himself- they don't have to be below him. I blog on masculine and feminine energy at http://stillettochick.typepad.com/blog/2009/05/wearing-the-androgynous-hat-.html
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that you can't have it all. Powerful women may want someone that they can "respect" professionally, but "successful" men often are ruthless and self-centered (that's why they became successful). Powerful men may secretly like the challenge of "taming" a powerful woman. You have to decide. If you are a powerful woman or man, maybe you should redefine what you want in a mate.
ReplyDelete