This post was inspired by a tweet by the very talented UK Hip Hop artist 'AKS' (he is also a fellow blogger over at NothingMoreNothingLess).
"Whilst watchin da MOBOs I was filled wid emotion @ da realisation dat my aspirations no longer include receiving accolades in such fashion...the appeal of chasing the glitz and glamour of industry and its approval has worn off."
Some might say that he just sabotaged himself in that one day he might actually want a MOBO or a BRIT or some other institutional prize, but I take his tweets to mean that while they may be flattering and deserved, they are no longer his sole pursuit. This, along with what I have seen, read and heard over the last couple of weeks, made me think about what it means to be 'successful' and what do people have in mind when they are pursuing 'success'.
Over the years, my interpretation has changed numerous times; as a teen success to me meant working for a great company, later on as my ambitions and mind expanded, success meant being self-employed and achieving my ambition which extended to travel and other experiences. While this still is true, I have realised that success comes in a variety of forms, it's not all about work and external motivations; I want to be successful as a mother, wife, sister, friend and as a person - someone who is honest, has integrity and is selfless. In all honesty, I am still learning what being successful in each of the above categories entails but the point is that the typical images of success such as career achievement, fame, money, who you know, respect from others, awards and recognition can actually cloud our vision in the other areas of our lives where focus and attention is needed.
But with the media having such a large impact, we are faced with these typical images of success all the time, from music videos, reality television, magazines and even at award ceremonies. Just the other day while watching a 'reality' show and listening to the characters get into a hissy fit over the most trivial 'he said-she said' issue, I said to myself "Really?! Honey you have way too much time on your hands". Despite the money, the fame, the 'success' I found myself rolling my eyes - this is definitely not the "success and all its trappings" that I aspire to. Now I am nobody to turn my nose up at someone else and their lifestyle but like AKS, I think that it's time that ambitions are re-evaluated and people question what success means to them and more importantly why they want to be successful - to help others, self fulfilment, status? I know what my answer is. What's yours?
This interest of mine has been heightened by a book my sister Steph gave me to read on my travels (clap for yourself, you get a shout out-that doesn't happen very often on here). It's called 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and is by a young man called Joshua Harris. Now before you get your knickers in a twist and commence the bra burning, it isn't a female-empowerment-feminist-self-help kind of book but in it Harris describes how the traditional rules and rituals of dating can actually lead us down a path of unnecessary emotional turmoil and regret and instead proposes alternative methods. What actually stood out to me the most in the book is how Harris describes being single; not as a curse and a realm to leave as soon as possible but instead a moment in your life that you should be thankful for and utilise to the fullest. He has a point; singledom is a time where you have no attachments, no strings, no stresses diverting your attention from your other priorities in life whether that be your relationship with God, career goals and even your friendships with others. You can take the time to travel and see the world, develop important skills, focus on your business plan minus the distractions or concentrate on your growth as a person so that you are complete in yourself without feeling that someone else is going to complete you. Now it could be argued that you can still do all of this while still being in a relationship; what's the point of having all of these amazing experiences if you don't have anyone to share them with? But can you honestly say that you are paying all of the activities listed above their full attention without compromising a little? Compromising your standards just to be able to double date, compromising your career goals just because you can't bear to be away from your other half for too long, compromising your friendships and other personal relationships because you have limited time to share with them because your focus is all on one person. I'm not flipping the script here and promoting the idea that being single is now superior to being in a relationship -there are benefits of both - I'm just saying that being single isn't a situation that should be handled with rubber gloves and an anti-infection mask!
