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Friday, 1 October 2010

The Pursuit of the Opposite Sex

Yes yes yes, it's been a while since my last post so I bet all of you got tired of checking back to see if I had written something new, or maybe you were not even that bothered (Kanye shrug). Either way after the stressful season of coming to the end of my masters, dissertation deadline and planning and packing for my 3 month NY/US break, I am now finally settled and ready to pay FantasyRide some much needed attention!

Something that has been on my mind ever since I landed here in NY is the heavy focus on being a two-some, one half of a couple, no longer a solo act. Yes there are glossy mags in the UK talking about the latest hook ups and power couples but over here it seems that it is emphasized even more. From TV shows such as 'The Bachelor' and E! News constantly reporting on the plight of 'poor old Jennifer Aniston' having nobody to cuddle up with at night to attending an event and seeing the embarrassing looks on the faces of those who had the audacity to turn up without a plus 1; being single is a disease pure and simple, one that most people are trying to avoid. Even Twitter-land co-signs this belief; a tweet saying that any woman who says that she is happy being single is talking 'bull****' received so many retweets from men I was like 'Really?' (Wendy William's voice) 'Really? Do y'all think you're oxygen, that women can't breathe without you? Do you think that all women are desperate for a man to define their happiness?' Now I am not denying the warm, fuzzy feelings that being in a relationship can bring and I do believe that love with another person is an amazing blessing, but does that make it superior to being single?

This interest of mine has been heightened by a book my sister Steph gave me to read on my travels (clap for yourself, you get a shout out-that doesn't happen very often on here). It's called 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and is by a young man called Joshua Harris. Now before you get your knickers in a twist and commence the bra burning, it isn't a female-empowerment-feminist-self-help kind of book but in it Harris describes how the traditional rules and rituals of dating can actually lead us down a path of unnecessary emotional turmoil and regret and instead proposes alternative methods. What actually stood out to me the most in the book is how Harris describes being single; not as a curse and a realm to leave as soon as possible but instead a moment in your life that you should be thankful for and utilise to the fullest. He has a point; singledom is a time where you have no attachments, no strings, no stresses diverting your attention from your other priorities in life whether that be your relationship with God, career goals and even your friendships with others. You can take the time to travel and see the world, develop important skills, focus on your business plan minus the distractions or concentrate on your growth as a person so that you are complete in yourself without feeling that someone else is going to complete you. Now it could be argued that you can still do all of this while still being in a relationship; what's the point of having all of these amazing experiences if you don't have anyone to share them with? But can you honestly say that you are paying all of the activities listed above their full attention without compromising a little? Compromising your standards just to be able to double date, compromising your career goals just because you can't bear to be away from your other half for too long, compromising your friendships and other personal relationships because you have limited time to share with them because your focus is all on one person. I'm not flipping the script here and promoting the idea that being single is now superior to being in a relationship -there are benefits of both - I'm just saying that being single isn't a situation that should be handled with rubber gloves and an anti-infection mask!
In perfect harmony with my thoughts over the last few weeks, friend and gorgeous fellow Bloggers Delight member Amber aka Phresh Mentality has written a poem titled 'Single' which you can hear her recite over at MTV's The Wrap Up. Made me smile and I'm sure you will too!

What are your thoughts? Did Phresh Mentality hit a nerve, if you're afraid to be alone does that make you insecure, why is there a large focus on being in a relationship, what's wrong with being single, when a girl says that she's happy being single is she really just lying to herself?


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