Little White Lies...

I wanted to see 'The Invention of Lying' last week...but I was a pushover and saw District 9 instead! Anywho, 'The Invention of Lying' sees Ricky Gervais' character living in a world where no-one lies, not even little white ones. Then luckily for him, he discovers that he has the ability to bend the truth and the world becomes his oyster.

Just watching the trailer I thought not only would it be hilarious if everyone told the absolute truth but also how refreshing it might actually be. We have become a nation of 'white liars' - sometimes to get ourselves out of trouble e.g. "Nah it's not that I forgot to call you, it's just that I fell asleep. That's different". Or sometimes to spare someone's feelings e.g. "Yes of course he likes you Sherice, he probably just fell asleep, it's not like he forgot to call you. That's different".

I have a friend that, how can I say it, doesn't really mince his words and I used get on him about that...but what's really wrong with telling people how it is. My issue is when people lack tact. Yes, you can tell someone that their breath stinks so they should back up, but there is a way that you do that in order to minimise the stab of pain to the heart they will feel as a result.

How great would it be though: people wouldn't play mind games in relationships, you could tell your boss he's a twat and he'd probably agree with you and you could finally tell your best friend that her weave is seriously not working for her. All without sugar coating - it would save us all a lot of time and brainpower. One thing for sure is that we'd all need to develop thicker skins!

Say what you feel or add a coating of sugar or two? What type are you?

Little White Lies...

Is it really that unbeweavable?

If you know me then you will know how much I love Top Model and Tyra Banks especially. Last week, season five of her Emmy award winning programme 'The Tyra Banks Show' premiered surrounded by much hype. After years of being seen in wigs, weaves and extensions, she revealed to the world her 'real hair'...and proved to everyone that contrary to belief, she is not bald! Click here to see what she had hiding under those Asia-imported lace fronts (select the clip titled "Oscar Works Magic On Tyra's Real Hair').

The issue about hair has been around for a long time but more recently it has been propelled into the spotlight by Chris Rock's 'Good Hair' documentary, which was screened at the Sundance Festival and will soon receive a nationwide release in the States. Not too long ago Tyra also did an episode titled 'What is Good Hair?', addressing the issues that African American women have with the natural texture of their hair. If you have some time to spare, I would recommend watching this as some of the points raised are both interesting and also slightly disturbing, especially when listening to the thoughts of the young girls featured. For example, one child considers 'nappy' hair to symbolise lower class and one mother actually chemically relaxes the hair of her three year old daughter!

While there are many theories about black women wanting to change their appearance to be more acceptable to society and issues about deep rooted self hatred, I'm not going to go there. The question I am asking here is how much is hair simply a style choice and how much is it something that defines who you are?

People are always talking about the pros and cons of wearing a weave and last year, my friend over at No Work All Play did a hilarious blog post about the Weave Epidemic. While he has a point about maintenance, to me, hair is just the stuff on the top of your head. While I have never seen anything wrong with wearing a weave, extensions or hair pieces I have never had a weave, only ever had tracks in once (which I didn't like) and extensions probably twice. I've cut my hair to four inches long, coloured it numerous times and retouch it every 6 weeks. I see hair as an accessory. The same way I may want a pair of funky coloured shoes is the same way I would want a different hair style every so often. Yes, hair can be a reflection of my current mood or an image but at the end of the day I'm still me; I still love watching corny rom-coms and fashion programmes on TV, I still get annoyed by slow-walking people on Oxford Street, I still want a husband and three kids - I don't change...but the way I am perceived does.

Some may argue that hair is a reflection of a person. Along with clothes, it communicates an image to others. But come on, we all know that image is just that - something projected to the outside world that doesn't necessarily mirror our personality and stance on life - that's the job of our character, identified by what we say and do. But does this make hair, clothes and image any less important? Is how you are perceived critical to well being, love, life and success?

Unfortunately, I would say a huge yes! In our society, this is how initial judgements are made. There's not always time for second impressions. A couple of years back Glamour magazine in the States was involved in a little bit of controversy when an article about office do and don'ts highlighted that wearing an afro to work would be seen as unprofessional. While that person with an afro could have the most professional conduct on the entire floor, this goes to show how far society goes to make judgements on a person based on their hair. Nowadays, you can look around a club and decide on a girl or guy's personality without even speaking to them. Look, the girl in the Beyonce weave is fake and high maintenance, better steer clear of that one. Oh look at the one with the Rihanna hair cut....uh uh, she looks like she will smash up my car if I dare miss a call from her. Wow, look at that guy's sharp, precise shape up...he might just be batting for the other team. And the girl with the natural beaded hair....I bet she doesn't shave her legs. Absolute nonsense, I know but we all do it.

Watching the Tyra clip especially, there is the belief that relaxing your hair, wearing a weave etc gives the perception that you are ashamed of your black culture. Are you more proud to be Black, White, Hispanic or Asian if you wear your hair in its natural state? This is not just a 'black thing'. People with straight hair may have a perm to make their hair unnaturally curly...does this mean that they are trying to run away from their heritage. Or is it different just because black people have a reason to be running away? Does relaxing my hair mean that I am less proud of my heritage than someone who keeps it natural? I could be someone who can speak an African language, have travelled to the 'motherland', talk to my work colleagues about my culture and can cook the food but standing next to someone who wears their 'real hair', to some people I am perceived as not embracing my culture.

Long, short, afro, relaxed, weave, extensions, coloured whatever. It's just hair. Outward appearances are always going to be judged but its about letting your integrity and character shine through...and its always nice to prove people wrong.

Is it really that unbeweavable?

You're Beautiful, Woman - and you're smart too!

A couple of Saturdays ago, I attended 'You're Beautiful, Woman', an annual event that aims to motivate and inspire women to recognise their beauty and self worth in every avenue of their lives. There was definitely a lot going on from makeovers in the beauty room, cosmic energy coaching, hypnotherapy, massage therapists and seminars on a range of topics including The Secret Life of Hair (advising attendees about where that Beyonce lace front actually comes from) and Radical Leap Coaching (encouraging women to equip themselves with 'good baggage' - the skills needed to fulfil all of those ambitions).

Good Influence Therapy


Kemi Bespoke Artistry - bridal makeup, fashion, editorial, makeup classes

Rosebudden aka Crystal Ogbogo - freelance make-up artist. Worked at the Matthew Williamson show at London Fashion Week 2008.

What really excited me about this event was the marketplace. This was a room full of stands exhibiting a range of products and services:

The Marketplace

Soutarri - online jewellery store. They also offer jewellery making classes and will be going into secondary schools from September to work with children who are experiencing difficulties, possibly inspiring them to be creative, sociable and develop a hobby.

Alexandra Galleries - online art gallery, event listing and source for African American prints, posters and original art.

The Salad Master - a healthy eating cooking system. By the way, that delicious chocolate cake you see on the right was made using all the vegetables you see in the Salad Master. No word of a lie - healthy chocolate cake! And it tasted great!

Pebbles Wearable Art - made to measure authentic clothing maintaining the uniqueness of African fashion.

What excited me was the entrepreneurship of the women in the room. Ethnic minorities in the UK are increasingly stepping out on their own to be their own boss and it is promising to see so many women identifying gaps and opportunities to make money instead of waiting on that monthly paycheck. In the media, you rarely see examples of entrepreneurial females and if you do, it is usually one example alongside a line-up of middle aged men. Deborah Meaden, Michelle Mone, Karren Brady, Elisabeth Murdoch - all examples of females who have achieved recognised success in the world of entrepreneurship but I struggle to name a well-known woman of colour in the UK (let me know if you can name any). But my point here is that the culture of black female entrepreneurship does exist and this event was an inspiration to me. Seeing confident women doing what I want to do with my life - spend my days working for a cause I am passionate about - gives the extra boost that I and many other females need in order to take that daunting step from 'employed' to 'self-employed'. Women are stepping up and in a few years time, hopefully I won't be struggling to name names!

You're Beautiful, Woman - and you're smart too!

TREND ALERT: The new therapy

Forget about shaving one side of your head, forget wearing leggins with short tops and you can definitely forget about getting a Blackberry on your new upgrade. Apparantly, to be on trend and with the 'in-crowd', you need to sign up to a social networking or video streaming site, sit down in front of your laptop....and then have an emotional breakdown. Webcam is optional. It's as easy as that!

Over the last few weeks, we've seen the explosion of this new trend. Certain celebrities have been turning to their computers instead of their psychiatrists and putting their emotional oubursts out there for all to see. First there was Soulja Boy feeling pressures of the music industry and 'expressing' himself via Twitter. Then Bow Wow got a little 'attention-envy' and wrote a suicidal-note-like message, again using Twitter. Next was another member of the young Hollywood crew, Teyana Taylor, who when reading both love and hate messages from the public, couldn't contain her "tears of joy". Most recently, American basketball player Stephon Marbury broke down while listening to a Kirk Franklin track - all with his webcam switched on.

All the examples above signal some deeper emotional issues that need to be dealt with, but what happened to writing in a diary, talking to your best friend or ahem...seeking professional help? Now the obvious explanation for all of this is that these are cries for attention. People in the limelight tend to have that performance gene, they thrive putting on a show and receiving that round of applause from the crowd before they take a bow. Perhaps, after a while this recognition from the public becomes more like personal validation and they start to constantly seek it in order to feel good about themselves, relying on it even to maintain their self-esteem.

But before we all jump on their backs yelling "low self esteem, fame-hungry, losers", are they that much different from all the 'regular' people on Twitter, Facebook and bloggers? Ok, while not all shed tears, I have personally witnessed Facebook status posts reading "I've had enough", "Why is this happening" and "I can't take this anymore". On a couple of occasions I've been close to replying with the number for the Samaritans! Twitter, the same, people post up their thoughts, opinions and feelings for other people to read. Do tweeters feel validation when somone replies to their post, agrees with them, retweets what they said or even follows them? They probably do. So does this also fit in the 'cry for attention' box? And bloggers - I know I'm talking about myself when I say this but is this blogging world a place where we become celebrities ourselves? Ok, no-one is going to be showing their house in the pages of OK magazine anytime soon, but as you gain more followers, people begin to recognise your name and blogs start to be taken more seriously a pieces of journalism, is it JUST about writing about the topics you are interested in? Isn't it also about the public recognition and acceptance? If it was just about the writing, then we'd all be blogging anonymously right!?!

Let's put it down to self-expression - its a way to air your views and speak your mind. However, where do we draw the line? At what point do we go "hey, I'm gonna keep this private, its way too personal to put out there". Is talking going to become redundant as we all become a nation of status posts? It's just something I've been thinking about. Social networks and other online broadcasting tools seem to be blurring the lines of friendships, privacy and what should and shouldn't be said or shown. So with a new outlet for 'self-expression', whether its micro-blogging via Twitter, vlogging via YouTube or just setting up your own page, who needs a therapist?

Would love to hear your thoughts: tweeters, Facebookers, Bloggers, why do it and where do you draw the line?

TREND ALERT: The new therapy

Pat Younge on diversity in the television industry

Hey
On Monday, I attended an evening with Patrick Younge hosted by presenter and journalist Krishnan Guru-Murthy. Pat has recently been appointed as the Chief Creative Officer of BBC Vision, making him the most highly placed figure from a minority background in the television industry. This event was also the launch of the British Black and Asian Programme Maker's Collective, aka The TV Collective. Their aim is to provide a network where people can debate, showcase ideas, support and brainstorm ways of tackling the issue of diversity in television and the event on Monday was a sign of great things to come. With growing support from the industry including former MP Oona King, who is now Head of Diversity at Channel 4, I guess now is the time for action.

Pat has had a long career working in television and most recently headed up The Travel Channel in the United States. In his new role at the BBC, he will be responsible for comedy, drama, entertainment and children, with shows including Strictly Come Dancing, Doctor Who, Top Gear and EastEnders in his control. At last year's Edinburgh Television Festival, he famously remarked that diversity targets should be like financial targets and if people failed to hit them, then they should be fired. With this strong desire to make the industry less white and middle class, it will be interesting to see if there are any visible changes both at the BBC and in television in general over the next few years.

Here are the key points/learnings I gained from the evening:

Diversity is not only limited to race, although it is often the first thing that comes to mind. The television industry needs to be more inclusive in terms of gender, culture, age, disabilities and probably most importantly class. The industry is still regarded as one full of Cambridge and Oxford types, who have the insider information, knowledge of the unwritten rules and industry contacts that people from working class communities, (white working class included) do not have. This is a major barrier that needs to be challenged.

There has been progress over the years in regards to the people we actually see on our screens; actors, actresses, newsreaders, presenters and television personalities in general - although it might not be as much as we would like, we have definitely seen a wider representation of people looking back at us than ten years ago. However, it's behind the camera that the major problem lies. Behind the camera is where the power and the decision making is and if there is a narrow range of views, opinions and perspectives there, then that will be reflected on the television channels. Pat highlighted ITV for not having any commissioners from ethnic backgrounds and that this is evident in their programming. Therefore, here is where action is urgently needed. Training schemes that nurture talent, give people the opportunity to get their foot in the door and also develop their skills along their career path is a key way ensuring that in the future, executives at the top of the television industry are more representative of the audiences they serve.

Pat gave a useful piece of advice for people aspiring to work in television: know what you are good at. Not everyone is good at presenting or directing or producing or developing creatives. Pat's skill is managing and nurturing talent. Work out what your skill is and hone it to ensure that your not a jack of all trades and master of none. You'll probably progress in your career much faster. Also, it's important to know that there are so many different areas of television that you can get involved in, its not only about producing programmes. Marketing, publicity, finance, legal, talent management - do some research and find a path that suits you.

My personal concern is that in this strive for diversity, it may be all a bit too easy for it to turn into a numbers game. That is often the problem when targets are introduced. I am all for good talent rising to the top and diversity policies should be implemented to ensure that people have the OPPORTUNITY to gain skills and experience that they would not normally have access to. This way, the idea that "the cream of the crop will rise to the top" is one that still stands. However, if in order to meet targets, production companies and television channels just employ to fulfil a quota, then nothing will have really changed.

I also really do hope that this renewed drive is not another soapbox where we highlight the issues but nothing gets done. Remember that there is power in numbers and it is important to not expect too much from Pat's new position - he is only one man who has a range of responsibilities at the BBC, diversity only being one of them. It is up to us to continue to put pressure on the industry and transform all this talk into change. To get involved in The TV Collective, find out about training schemes, jobs and to network visit their facebook group.

What are your thoughts? What are your experiences within the television industry? What would you advise The Collective to do, what would you like to see from them? Speak on it and lets get this ball rolling!

Pat Younge on diversity in the television industry

Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman...standing in front of a stove.

Hey
This post is inspired by stories I have read recently about high profile men in the entertainment industry and the role their wives play. Tameka 'Tiny' Cottle, former singer of girl group Xscape, now more commonly known as rapper TI's wife/fiance/girlfriend/mother of his children, has allegedly been trying to restart her career for quite a while now. Now that she has her own reality show with Li'l Wayne's ex-wife (please, I don't have the energy to go there!), it looks like she is finally starting to make her own moves. However, she is often reported to say that TI is not completely happy with her ambitions to pursue a career of her own and would much rather she stay a housewife to maintain the home and look after their children. Second story - Tyrese Gibson, Coco Cola bus singer and actor is currently in the process of divorcing his wife. He met her while she was studying in London (yes ladies, we all had a chance!) and then she moved over to the states with him to set up home. Now he's divorcing her, to avoid paying her thousands in alimony, he is allegedly saying that there is no reason why she cannot get a job and pay her own way, despite the fact that he was more than happy for her to be the little stay at home wifey during their five year marriage.

My question here is why do some men meet a successful ambitious female, make her his wife and then resign her to a life of picking out china to match the wallpaper in the kitchen? Can a powerful man be happily married to a powerful women, one that has her own ambitions or must she spend the whole of their married life standing behind that powerful man, holding him up.

Guys, she was ambitious and successful when you met her, it was one of the reasons that you fell in love with her, but as soon as you put that ring on her finger you feel that the best place for her is in the home. Is this fear? Intimidation? Is it a hit to the man's pride that the women has her own and doesn't necessarily NEED them. Neyo sings of Miss Independent, but is that what men really want from a wife? By keeping her in the home, giving her an allowance every month and supplying her with new edition Louis Vuitton handbags, the woman builds up a level of dependency on her fella. It gives him the allowance to do as he pleases, playing on the fear that if she was to leave, she'd leave with nothing (well maybe half).

Or is it less premeditated and manipulative than this and simply down to values that have been instilled in some men over time? Although we have progressed quite a bit from the 1950's, traditional values of the man being the breadwinner and the woman maintaining house and home are still present. Some guys have grown up with that dynamic in their own homes and naturally want it for them and their children too. But can this still work in a time where women are now more career focused than ever?

Out of interest... Guys: would you be more attracted to a career focused woman or one with traditional values of staying home and raising the family? Be honest, do you feel intimidated by powerful, successful women? How would you feel if your wife's career was steps ahead of your own?

Ladies: as females, should we make husband and children a priority over our own career and personal ambitions? Alternatively, would you mind being the breadwinner of the family while the other half takes the role of stay-at-home-dad?

Can two powerful people remain happily married or is it natural for competition and intimidation to take hold?

Let me know your thoughts...

Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman...standing in front of a stove.

Empowerment vs Exploitation: Are Video Vixens ruining the perception of women?

Hey

A few weeks ago, I watched a Dispatches documentary on Channel 4 called Rape in the City. You can still catch it here on 4OD but you only have 12 days left, so hurry. Basically, journalist Sorious Samura was investigating the horrific 'trend' of teenage girls being gang raped by groups of young men and he specifically highlighted that it is becoming more and more common within the black community.

There were many interesting insights revealed by the documentary but what I picked up on was the lack of respect that the young black boys interviewed had for females. Yes, there is the argument that a girl should respect herself first before she expects respect elsewhere - this argument was attributed to the instances where girls initially agree to link a group of guys but then try to back out when they arrive and see 25 guys waiting for them! But there were also instances where rape was used as a form of punishment for snitching or simply because the guys deemed a girl unattractive and wanted to humiliate her. So my question here is when did these young guys lose respect from the female species.

Naturally, Samura brought up the excuse that is used time and time again - music and hip hop's negative portrayal of women is polluting the minds of our youngsters. I am usually one to stand up and argue against this theory - I watch violent films, I listen to hip-hop but I have my own mind and have never acted in a way because a rapper told me to... but is that true? Beyonce had me shaking my booty in the clubs doing the uh-oh dance and Flo-Rida has me dancing provocatively while getting low low low. So can you really say, the things you watch, the music you listen to and the media you expose yourself to doesn't affect your actions and your thoughts, even subconsciously.

What is the feeling about video vixens, glamour models and even the entertainment industry in general where for females especially, sex is how you get ahead. In Hollywood, as an actress your career has a direct correlation to your ranking on Maxim's top 100 Sexiest Women list. Even Beyonce, with her booty shaking and 'make sex with the camera' videos is contributing to the 'male gaze' ideal where women act in a way that makes men want to get physical with them and females want to be the girl that men want to get physical with. Is this culture ruining the way that men see women and therefore the way they respond to them? As previously mentioned, in the words of one of the teens interviewed in the documentary, a guy isn't going to respect a women if she doesn't respect herself. Over the years, females in the entertainment industry who have been described as using their sexuality to promote their career have argued that they are not being exploited at all. That it is a form of empowerment, being sexy is natural and they relish the feeling of making guys succumb to them. But isn't this slightly delusional. Are these women still not submitting themselves to the sexual fantasies of men and therefore not in as much control as they convince themselves to be? With these ideals, then can you blame young men seeing girls as sexual objects first before anything else?

I am not judging here, but putting the thought out there that there is a correlation and that our present culture is to blame for some of the negative things within the community. Some may argue that, its not just the black community, that it's the way the world is, sex sells and even in the days of Marylin Monroe, it was the same. Some females may argue that well if they are getting paid and no-one is forcing them to do anything then what is wrong with that. But clearly something needs to change because I think as the years go by, values that some people may call old fashioned but which I consider to hold together the moral fabric of society, are slowly being unwoven.

And as if it was meant to be, FantasyRide has been invited to 'You're Beautiful, Woman', an event put together by some fabulous ladies including Ronke Adeyemi over at The Musings of Ondo Lady blog. This annual event celebrates black female beauty inside and out and aims to motivate and inspire women to recognise their own self worth in every avenue of their lives. There will be seminars and workshops covering topics such as styling, fashion, natural hair and beauty, relationships, fitness, financial advice and inner beauty. It takes place on Saturday 15 August at Highgate Newton Community Centre. Tickets are only £5 so see the website for more information: http://www.yourebeautifulwoman.com/. Hope to see you there!

Empowerment vs Exploitation: Are Video Vixens ruining the perception of women?